see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm like, not good at living.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
