Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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