Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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