She's JV to your varsity
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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