Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
