I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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