My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
