i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
