Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think my vagina is haunted
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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