i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
