The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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