the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
