Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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