My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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