Will you blow on my dice?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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