I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
