I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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