Screwed.edu
its not stalking. its research.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
