He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
