the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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