Im at strip club and am horny
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
