omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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