It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
