We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
