i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
