why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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