I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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