I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
