You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
