Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
