we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
