high people should be assigned attendants
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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