im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
