I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
