its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
