I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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