Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
