went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
