if you like me you must not know who I am
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
