yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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