just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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