I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
