i permit you to call me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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