Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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