He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
