I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
