never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't put those talents on a resume
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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