Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
