That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
