So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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